Beginners Guide to Dirty Talk
It’s Like Learning a New Language
I firmly believe that if you can’t talk about sex to your partner, you have no business having sex.
If you’re already having sex — whether it’s been once or a thousand times — saying what you want, what you want to do, or how you’re feeling is not only instructional, but it can lead to some really sheet-scorching sex.
One of the biggest roadblocks some people have is that dirty thoughts and words don’t roll off the tongue easily. If you have to, repeat the things you’d like to say out loud in a private space or when you’re masturbating until it feels comfortable – five times, 50 times, 500 times. Think of it like practicing a foreign language like you did in the language lab in high school or college, except it’s more fun.
Sometimes, men are afraid that the woman in their life might be offended or objectified by hearing dirty thoughts and words. Women are sometimes afraid that a man might not respect them if they heard what was really on their minds. In either case, remember that you’re talking about what actually goes on in the sack. You’ve been there, done that. If you can’t trust your partner to keep the conversation private just between the two of you, you shouldn’t be having sex in the first place.
Have The Talk Before The Dirty Talk
Try having a talk about dirty talk when sex isn’t on the agenda. Some people have hang-ups about words that are culturally bad, offensive or degrading. Find out what words are off limits. Discuss which words are acceptable. Brainstorm, have some fun with it. Make up words if you have to. Once you’re joking around and laughing, you may find yourselves heading off to the bedroom.
Another way of initiating the dirty talk conversation is to tell your partner, “I like when you_______________,” or “When you _______________, it makes me feel like _______________.” If you want to tell your partner what you want to do, say so in a way that there’s a benefit for them and it’s not just all about you. Keep your messages and your tone positive and encouraging. It will turn on and empower your partner.
Dirty talk doesn’t have to sound like it’s a script out of a porn video. Sometimes, saying something as simple as “I want you” is enough to make your partner feel desired and respond appropriately.
Turn Dirty Talk Into A Game
If you’re still a little uneasy about getting your dirty talk on, turn it into a game – literally. Have some fun with a little pre-foreplay by playing a round of Bedroom Commands or Pillow Talk . They’re card games with random fill-in-the-blank suggestions, some of which are things you would have never thought of on your own. Dirty Minds is a fun way to find out what’s on your partner’s mind and where things can go when the game is over. You may not be able to wait until the game is finished.
Chances are that your partner may have wanted to hear your carnal thoughts or be verbally seduced all along. You never know unless you have the conversation.
MOST IMPORTANT RULE… HAVE FUN. 🙂