Sex Toys for Women, Men & Couples

Feeling Frisky: Your Full-On Guide to Fisting

Feeling Frisky: Your Full-On Guide to Fisting
on September 25, 2017 in Sex Talk

Hands wearing latex gloves making a heart
How you feel when you hear the word “fisting” largely depends on the social and sexual circles you participate in. For some people, it’s an unthinkable act; for others it’s a regular part of their sexual routine. For many of us, it falls somewhere along a wide spectrum between things we’ve always been curious about and the occasional activity that helps both spice things up and deepen intimacy between partners.

Many people don’t actually know what the term means, and its labeling is somewhat misleading. While fisting does involve putting an entire hand into an orifice (vaginal or anal), proper technique does not involve a person penetrating their partner in a punching motion, as the name seems to suggest. Rather, it involves inserting a hand position that is as narrow as possible and expanding further from there if both parties are interested.

Communicate Clearly

Fisting can be an intense emotional and physical experience for both the giver and the receiver. Make sure you speak with your partner clearly and honestly before, during, and after. Talk through any feelings you’re having or had, make sure you’re both on board, and debrief after the fact. Compile a plan beforehand of what preparations to make and how and when to escalate through the steps, and also talk through exit and aftercare strategies, with particular emphasis on if one of you wants to stop play early.

Prepare Well

preparing your hands for fistingWhether planning to try anal or vaginal fisting, a number of preparations should be made in order to maximize potential satisfaction and minimize risk. Fisting involves bold movements in sensitive areas, and so, certain precautions should be taken to ensure everyone has the best possible time.

Before beginning, the partner performing the fisting should neatly trim and file their nails and thoroughly wash their hands, taking time to clean under their nails and in their nail beds. All it takes is a slight amount of movement from either the giver or the receiver and nails can scratch the inside of the orifice, leading to potential discomfort, bleeding, or even possible infection. Some people even enjoy using slim fitting latex or nitrile gloves, to increase safety and decrease friction.

The partner receiving the fisting can often benefit from trying to urinate before fisting begins, as pressure in either the anus or the vagina can lead to feeling like one has to during the act, and clearing the bladder beforehand can relieve the recipient’s mind, if that happens to be a concern. Other possible preparations could include laying down towels, having a selection of toys ready to go, and keeping plenty of water nearby for rehydrating breaks. Finally, make sure you’ve scheduled this for a time in which neither of you feel rushed, and in a place where you both feel comfortable.

Get in the Mood

Don’t start by trying to put your whole hand in your partner right away. Just like with any other sexual experience, warm each other up with erotic foreplay. Start by long, sensuous kissing on the mouth, tender and firm caresses and kisses all over the body, and engage in sensual massage or oral play. You can even try getting each other off once or more before starting. Delight in each other and set the mood emotionally, while also increasing bloodflow to the areas you’re going to be engaging later. Take your time.

Use Lube (No, More Than That)

Make sure that you have plenty of lubricant on hand, and try to pick out some that’s body safe and free of potential irritants like petroleum, glycerine, and parabens. Silicone-based lube is often recommended by fisting enthusiasts over water-based, which can get sticky and add to friction. Silicone also lasts longer, but can be harder to scrub out of sheets and toys. Make sure your barriers and toys play nicely with the lubricant you select, as not all substance pairings are a match made in heaven. Finally, use a lot of lubricant, and reapply whenever adding girth to your insertion and at the first sign of friction.

Go Slowly

We Can Do It Woman

Remember to pace yourselves and take it nice and easy. Start with one finger or a small toy, and work your way, scintillatingly slowly, up to two and three and so on. When using three or more fingers, remember to tuck them in as narrowly as possible together, to form as slim a profile as possible for easy and comfortable insertion.

Make regular eye contact with your partner and check in to make sure it is still enjoyable for them. Fully focus on the sensation of being filled by or filling your partner. Remember it’s totally normal to not be able to fully fist on the first try, or possibly ever. Be present and enjoy each step as it happens.

Experimentation

Once you both get comfortable with, or at least accustomed to, the whole hand being inserted, try mixing things up to see what else can enhance the experience. While fisting, you can turn your hand to explore different angles, try to open and close your hand, or even attempt to (slowly) tuck your hand into an actual fist while inside your partner.

You can also try deep kissing, physical caresses, and genital stimulation while continuing to fist the receiving partner. Bring a favorite toy into the experience, or try going down on them and see if that sends things over the edge. Continue to check in with each other, and to rehydrate as necessary.

Over and Out

When you’ve both agreed that it’s over, or if you need to take a break, tuck the fingers back into the narrow “duck shape” you inserted with, fingers straight out and pressed together, remove even more slowly than you initially inserted. Removing too quickly can cause damage, so take your time. If at any point during removal, the hand feels like it has become stuck, try turning it slightly to the side, adding more lubricant, and/or using your other hand to ease the passage out. Once you and your partner are separated, the fisting recipient may feel the need to go to the bathroom and might need assistance to get up from their position and walk there. Urinating is also a great way to clear any potential bacteria from the urethra if the fisting was vaginal. While the recipient is doing this, the other partner can attend to any necessary space clean-up.

Aftercare

Make sure both of you drink plenty of water afterwards, and depending on the plan you’ve made before, and how you’re both feeling now, you may want snacks (salty, sweet, or both), cuddles, talk time, or some intimate kissing and stroking to reconnect. Co-napping may be on the agenda as this kind of play can be physically and emotionally exhausting for both partners. Whatever your desires or needs, fisting can be incredibly intense and it’s important to plan in time to bond afterward, however that works for you.

Fisting, like all sexual experiences, isn’t for everyone, but it can be a wonderfully intimate and erotic experience for sexual partners to share with each other. Don’t feel bad if you don’t end up enjoying it, and don’t let anyone shame you for loving it. Embracing your sexuality means owning your desires and not picking up anyone else’s baggage. Have fun and feel as freaky as you want to!

Share This Post
Leave A Reply