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Dabbling in Debauchery: Sexual Experimentation and What You Need To Get Started
on August 15, 2017 in Sex Talk

Sex: What’s Your Flavor?

When What Turns You On Is A Little “Kinky”

 

“I nibbled on her earlobe a little harder than I’d meant to. She let out a deep moan and I paused to ask her if that was too much. She asked me to do it again. I was thrilled when I realized that this gave her so much pleasure- and was surprised at the pleasure I got from being a little rough.”

 

Experimentation is a part of human nature. It’s completely normal to be curious about many things- including things that seem counterintuitive to pleasure but so clearly complementary to one another for many people. There’s no shame in liking variety- and there is absolutely nothing wrong with consensually exploring the world of BDSM or any activity that’s considered a bit kinky. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea- but a lot of people enjoy dipping their toes into these untamed waters to find their passion. It can be a thrilling ride, but there are a few things you should know before you get started.

Secret Sexual DesiresA Curious Sexual Palate

BDSM, “naughty” sex, rough sex, “dirty” sex- there’s a lot of common misconceptions that can make a person feel really uncomfortable about expressing an interest or curiosity about trying something different, something that has been considered taboo or even just unconventional. Admitting to finding enjoyment in more colorful sex to a new partner can also be problematic. Have you always wanted to be tied up? Wondering the best way to initiate oral sex? Do you dream about putting someone in restraints? Would you like to try out a little anal action? Any perceived deviation from the norm can be a bit intimidating, despite how prevalent sexual play in this fashion really is.

News flash- MOST people have dabbled in debauchery.

Here are some basics to keep in mind to get started, before you really get started. Shockingly, not one of them begins with lube- that comes later.

Consent

To enter this world and to enter it well requires some basics- first and foremost beginning with consent. In every relationship, consent of all involved parties is key. Every experience should start with consent and you should check in with your partner(s) often- the moment someone expresses emotional or physical discomfort, it’s important to address their feeling immediately and make sure that everyone is still on board. Forcing someone to continue any act after they’ve requested it to stop is not sexy or part of the game- it’s abuse.

Communication

Embracing and engaging in communication is the key to having healthy relationships, period. Great relationships are never “perfect;” sometimes your partner will piss you off, do something wrong, let you down, etc. Sometimes you’ll fail your partner. People can overcome a great many obstacles together by remaining committed to healthy communication. It might not solve everything- but your chances of resolving issues and moving forward and being better together are nil without communication. Bonus- great communication also leads to great sex!

Trust

You should be able to trust your partner(s) and they should be able to trust you. Without building trust, you won’t be able to gleefully tumble through space and time with sexual experimentation and pleasure. A lack of trust from any party will put a damper on things. How are you supposed to fully enjoy your kinky curiosity if trust is lacking? It’s important to start with trust and continue to build it as you experiment.

Honesty

Without honesty, sex can be hell. Be honest with your partner(s) and be honest with yourself. Don’t talk yourself into trying things you are genuinely uncomfortable with just to please the person you’re with. Be true to yourself. Further, make sure that you get the important stuff out of the way. Get tested (and often!) and share your results before you get started. Telling your partner that you’re “clean” just because you are “pretty sure” can lead to agony instead of ecstasy. No one wants that.

All these things are true for all relationships of course, but especially emphasized in this world of play and experimentation. In fact, the BDSM community has some of the best literature available for responsible sexual activities and relationships around.

Now that the foundation is set- it’s time to explore the toys and tools that will bring you to the edge of euphoria. Strap on the pith helmet of your preference and explore!

 

Article Written By Vera Svobodova
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