Master Bator: Becoming A Self-Pleasuring Pro
You’re A Lean, Mean, Sex Machine
A few years ago, I was sitting around with some friends with several bottles of wine, trading stories about our sex lives. Most of the stories worth telling involved something hilarious; an inexperienced partner making a funny mistake and killing the mood, an overzealous and incredibly accident prone lover falling off some random piece of furniture, someone’s experience with a threesome on the beach and how they discovered the hard way that sand is often more sexy in movies…we bonded, we hugged, we drank more wine.
The evening took a turn, however, when a particularly shy female friend of mine asked the group about how to find someone to give her orgasms. She was nearing 30 and she had never had one. I made her clarify- she hadn’t had an orgasm EVER. Not just with a partner- she’d never had one on her own. We began to quiz her on her masturbation techniques and discovered that she had never touched herself. Ever. EVER.
Well, friend…I believe I see where you went wrong.
Know What Your Working With
Congratulations! You’re human! Human bodies come with sex organs that register pleasure, erogenous zones that enhance that pleasure, sensitive zones that make us pant, giggle, moan…all sorts of parts that, with a little love, can drive us all wild.
Make sure you know what you’re working with. This is just as important for the people whose sexual parts are more on the outside- knowing that stroking your penis makes you feel good is a great first step! But what about using two hands? How does the pleasure you get differ when you’re stroking your staff versus focusing on your head? Your erogenous zone(s) likely goes much further than your penis- it’s very common to enjoy having your balls handled, your taint, your anus. Experiment, practice, embrace your body.
Vulvas can seem a little more mysterious. The first problem, of course, is that the area is colloquially referred to as the “vagina.” Your vagina is the muscular canal that connects your uterus to your outside- the route a baby might take to be born, if reproduction is your thing- the external sex parts, that area, is actually called your vulva.
Many women have never taken the opportunity to view their own parts, let alone take them on a test run. Don’t be at a disadvantage. Today is a great day to do a little recon- grab a large mirror, lay it on the floor, hover over it and take a look at what you’ve got going on. It may seem like a strange exercise but seriously; if you’re sexually active, other people are going to be up close and personal with your vulva. You should, at the very least, be familiar with yours.
Time To Take It For A Sex Drive
No matter what parts you have, if you are interested in pleasure, you should learn what gets your engine revving. The first step to having great sex with anyone is knowing how to get yourself off first. Wash your hands, find yourself some quiet time in a private space (with or without audio and visual stimuli- this is your time, you get to choose how you spend it) and play.
Your own fingers and hands are a great start. In order to achieve orgasm, you may need a little additional help. Some people find lubrication is the missing element. Find yourself the lube that works best for you. Others could use an extra push with some pressure, vibration or penetration to push them over the edge. If you’re too shy to go to a store that carries adult products, shop online for sex toys and pay attention to the purpose of the product, it’s proper use and online reviews to see how other people feel about that particular erotic item. Everyone is different, outside and in. One person’s 0 to 60 is another’s flat tire. You won’t know what you’re into until you learn about yourself. Sooner or later, you’ll find what makes you tick and you’ll be off like a shot.
Getting (Off) Over The Finish Line
Hurray, you’re a winner! Now that you know that you’re capable of orgasmic pleasure, try to keep in mind that the journey is (likely more than) half the battle. With some practice, you may find that you enjoy taking the scenic route more than rushing to the climax. Even more exciting- you now have a valuable map (of your own pleasure) to share with your lover(s) or partner(s) and you can enjoy taking long, sexy road trips together. Often. And, with vigor.
Foreign raised trouble maker Věra Pusy has spent a lifetime dedicated to mischief and play. Věra loves her people, reading, hiking, pivo, art, and shenanigans, in no particular order, but often all at the same time. When she isn’t enabling questionable but hilarious behavior, she enjoys writing articles about sex and sexuality in the hopes that these articles will inspire people to embrace the joys of sex and be more open and honest in their communication- with their partners, and with their own bodies.