43% of women are unable to reach orgasm during sexual intercourse.
80% of women judge their body.
46% of women who judge their body are unable to reach orgasm.
The prefrontal cortex of your brain must shut down in order to reach orgasm – this part of your brain regulates control, fear, and anxiety.
So… in a brave attempt to deal with the sorry state of their sex lives, many people decide to try the advice of so-called sex experts or therapists. And these people say things like – if you want to have a good, fulfilling sex life, it’s important to make time to be together in your busy schedules, it’s important to slow down and look each other deep in the eyes. It’s important to undress each other slowly and to touch each other all over slowly… and to cultivate intimacy… blah blah blah….
But it’s all backwards! We’ve got it all backwards…backwards!
Because the truth of the matter is… this happens naturally when you’re turned on by someone. This happens naturally when you are in the flow and hot! But if you have to work on it, if you have to think about it and plan it and then decide in advance to do it – well it never works! You can look someone deep in the eyes until the cows come home and nothing will happen because you’re not in the flow to begin with. You’re not turned on – so all your thinking and planning amounts to nothing! Because there is so much “effort” involved, because you’re trying too hard.
Which leads us to the real question, which is – why aren’t you in the flow to begin with? What’s preventing you from being in the flow right now when it comes to sex? And the answer is usually we aren’t in the flow because of all our absolutely crazy, insane ideas about our bodies and sex. And by that I mean all our crazy ideas about how we think our bodies ‘should’ look and how we think our partners’ bodies ‘should’ look. And all our ideas and worries about whether we are making the right moves and whether our partners are making the right moves. And there are all our ideas about how we think and believe this whole sexual experience ‘should’ proceed and what it ‘should’ look like. And well… you catch my drift. It’s enough to drive anyone crazy. Really. All this planning and thinking and worrying and trying to figure everything out. All of which is completely the opposite of being in flow. And if there’s anything that’s about flow – it’s sex!
Yes indeed! Sex is all about flow. Have you noticed?
So the truth is you can’t THINK your way to good sex, it’s just not possible. Because good sex is not a mental thing. Good sex is a surrender thing, it’s a ‘let’s-park-our-minds-at-the-door’ thing, it’s truly a swooning NO MIND experience… It’s about surrendering to the flow… that’s what good sex is all about.
So if you are having problems with your sex life, I suggest you try forgetting all about your problems and just go for the flow of life in general. Focus instead on all places in your life where you are in flow. Focus on all the things in your life that make your heart sing. Just be happy and cultivate the flow state and then see what happens to your sex life!
Because if you go the other route – the mental route – the thinking route – you’re basically going to have to deconstruct the whole thought programming of the Western world and the pervasive worship of the physical body that we see everywhere. So it could be quite a project – to release yourself from the massive body fixation that almost everyone in our society is suffering from. It would take undoing all the stressful thoughts about life and your body and other people and sex that prevent you from lining up with you and being in the flow. And that could take a while. (And you’d probably end up being enlightened and feeling so blissful all the time that sex would not be at the top of your agenda anymore anyway…)
Which brings me back to the point I was trying to make to begin with! And yes, here’s the big secret you’ve been looking for: People who have a great sex life, don’t think about how to make it work, they don’t think about this stuff at all… they just go with the flow…
By A. Aimee
About A. Aimee
Aimee is a modern woman and international author who is writing in the great tradition of women authors who want the freedom to openly and honestly explore controversial issues concerning women, sex, women’s liberation, sexual freedom, women’s rights to their own bodies, relationships, and the changing role of women in the world today.
Her books include “Good Pussy Bad Pussy – Rachel’s Tale” and “Good Pussy Bad Pussy in Captivity”. Both books are getting many 5-Star reviews on Amazon, Goodreads and many independent blog sites.
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Good Pussy Bad Pussy – Rachel’s Tale
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Good Pussy Bad Pussy In Captivity
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