Get Funky on Your Furniture
Lovin ain’t just for the bedroom, my little chickadees. Did you know there are other rooms in the house you can get busy in? I know! While your time as a 20 something may have prepared you for awkward couch sex, we’re here to show you that not only are there better ways to use your sofa, there are many other pieces of furniture that deserve your attention. While you could spend hundreds on customized sex furniture, let’s take a tour to see what you’ve got to work with in your own home.
Get cookin in the kitchen!
Your kitchen provides many opportunities for hot times. While you’re cooking up dinner, have each other taste test dinner. You don’t have to use spoons. Heck, you don’t even have to lick it off your fingers. Feeling a need to get slippery? Coconut oil is great lube, and vagina-friendly (provided there are no allergies). When things get a bit too spicy, the kitchen counter is your best friend. Find a nice interior corner so the lady can spread her legs to receive his spice weasel. Bam!
If that angle doesn’t work, try bending over the counter or sink and letting him stir things up from behind (perhaps with a spatula spanking, if you’ve been naughty). If your counter or island is large and sturdy enough, both of you can hop on top and have it your way, any way you like it. Heck, you can even polish the floors, if that all sounds too complex. Just make sure you cleaned them!
Now, head to the dining room for dinner, because you’re bound to be hungry.
Eat out after dining in!
After a refreshing meal gives you that much-needed energy boost, it’s time for a little dessert. Ladies, lay on the table edge with your legs open. Drizzle a bit of something sweet up your thigh, ending with a little dollop on your clit (nothing inside, because infections suck). Chocolate syrup, caramel, or (my favorite) your favorite liqueur are my best bets. Let your man lick his way in, and make sure he finds that magic spot to focus on, so you get your just desserts.
Fellas, this is your chance to enjoy sitting at the head of the table while pleasing your lady. When you’re done (rather, when she’s taken care of), feel free to whip out your whisk and give her the business. Always good to have that coconut oil from the kitchen handy, if more lubing is needed.
Table not big/sturdy enough? Those dining chairs provide a great means for weenie worship, if you ladies would like to thank him for cooking a fine meal. Even better? Start by going down on him for a bit, turn around and hop on for a ride. Then, hop off and repeat as needed. It’ll drive you both crazy!
Netflix and Drill (or Thrill?)
Well, after all that work, you probably want to just watch a flick on the sofa (perhaps we could recommend a few). The way your night’s going, however, I wouldn’t be surprised if you found yourself unable to keep your hands off each other. No worries! The couch is a lovers’ playground!
Obviously, you could just missionary it, or bend the lady over the back of the sofa, but why not branch out? Ladies bend back over the armrest (perhaps with a throw pillow, if you need it), and get him to stand and deliver! This will give you both a great angle, and ensure he’s hitting the right spot. Or, you can bend over the arm facing the back of the couch. One knee on the couch and one leg on the floor for a combo of comfort for you and a tight feel for him. If you can prop a vibrator on that armrest while he’s entering from behind, it’ll be an Oscar-worthy performance!
But perhaps you’re too tired, or your roomies are in and out from time to time? Well, blankets are your friends. You can grab that coconut oil from the kitchen and give each other a round of applause while keeping your clothes (mostly) on. If you’re feeling more risqué, you can spoon on the couch, and when the roomie steps away, slide into her from behind. Ladies, you can make it easier/more fun for both of you if you throw that top leg up over the back of the sofa. Then, one of you can also be giving your clit the ovation it deserves.
Get wet and wild!
If you have a hot tub that is yours alone, and you’ve kept the ph and chemical balances just right, there are some great things about sex in and around the water. There are many different issues around hot tub sex, so make sure you both know the potential problems encountered from having sex in the actual tub. If you’re going ahead with that, make sure you use plenty of silicone-based lube, enjoy playing with your buoyancy, and ladies…make use of those jets!
If you’re not quite down to penetrate down below, you can always have the lady lay back from the edge of the hot tub, while the gent stays in and goes down on her. That way her bits are kept safe. Same goes for penetration. You can use that angle, have her legs prop over his shoulders, or bend her over the side (her on the seats him on the floor for height balance). Heck, have your fella sit on the side and you ladies can sit on him and bounce to your heart’s content (either in cowgirl or reverse)! Finally, there’s always just laying a towel next to the tub, frolicking a bit, then jumping back in! Pro-tip: if you don’t have an in-ground tub, build out some sturdy platforms around the sides. It’ll give you a place for drinks, and more space for fornicating.
Of course, you can use a regular bathtub, if there’s room. Just make sure you have plenty of that silicone lube, don’t use any soaps in the water (oils should be fine), and don’t forget your waterproof toys!
After traveling the globe as the frontman for Manslide,an all-drag Fleetwood Mac cover band Stevie has taken off the skirts and scarves to settle down a bit. He now enjoys pursuits of all things manly, whether it be smoking meats, cooking for his favorite ladies, competing in beard competitions, or gazing intently into the distance. Don’t let that fool you, though. He still has all his frilly bits ready to go, and I hear that Manslide is having a reunion tour in a couple years!