Fantasy Island: A Primer on the Wide World of Sexual Fantasy
As human beings, we fantasize constantly and on a wide range of topics. From early childhood, when we pretended the hall closet was a portal to another dimension to present day where we design (and redesign) our dream homes, fantasies give us an outlet for creativity and an escape from our everyday lives. The same is true of our sexual fantasies — they’re a healthy way to examine various aspects of our sexuality and (if you’re up for sharing and your partner consents) to spice things up in the bedroom. We’ll take a quick peek at the most common erotic fantasies below.
Dominance and Submission
Have you ever wanted your partner to take complete control during sex? Or would you rather give your partner orders and tell them just how to please you? Either way, you’re in good company, as many fantasies involve some sort of power dynamic. Whether you’d enjoy being tied to the bed while your partner has their way with you or forced to satisfy your partner like a sexual slave, submission fantasies can help you let go of any stress or guilt you have around sex — someone else is controlling the action and you have no choice but to obey. On the other hand, fantasies about dominance, where you’re the one calling the shots and making your partner give in to your every desire, can make you feel ultra powerful, which is also extremely sexy.
Remember pretending to be a ninja or a princess when you were a kid? Many of us haven’t lost the desire to be someone else, even if it’s just for one night. Lots of role-playing fantasies build on the power dynamic ideas above — teacher and student, boss and secretary, police officer and troublemaker. Some couples enjoy pretending to be strangers, meeting up at a bar and heading to a nearby motel for a wild night of “anonymous” sex. Whether you’d like to be a naughty nurse with questionable healing techniques or a firefighter who’s getting a little too overheated, there’s no limit to the characters and relationships you can create. (Costumes optional, but highly encouraged.)
In your fantasies, as in real estate, it’s all about location, location, location! And for some of us, the more public that location, the better. In the bathroom of a fancy restaurant (or a trashy bar), behind closed doors in your office, or at a secluded outdoor spot are some top picks for public sex fantasies. Fair warning, some of these might be best left to the imagination, as getting caught could have serious legal consequences, but sharing your exhibitionist fantasies with your partner can be a turn-on even if you can’t act on them.
Use Your Imagination
The ideas above are just the tip of the fantasy iceberg. Other frequently mentioned fantasies involve threesomes and group sex, gender swapping (complete with a strap-on if you dare), sex with someone of a different gender than your usual partner, and many more. You can keep your fantasy life to yourself as part of your individual sexual exploration or share certain fantasies with a partner if you think you’d like to act on them. Fantasizing is a fun and healthy way to express your sexuality, and the only limit is your imagination.
Charlotte Sometimes is a writer, teacher, performer, and prominent member of the local sex positive community. She has been a fierce advocate for accurate and comprehensive sex education since her Catholic high school days and is excited to share her research and experience with you. Her favorite things include straight whiskey, spin the bottle, good books, feminist porn, and snuggling. Charlotte lives in Austin, TX with her partner and her partner’s partner, which is way less scandalous than it sounds.